Find the Meaning In Your Life
The definition of closure - closure NOUN:
1. an act or process of closing something, especially an institution, thoroughfare, or frontier, or of being closed.
2. (in a legislative assembly) a procedure for ending a debate and taking a vote; closure.
3. a sense of resolution or conclusion at the end of an artistic work.
4. a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved.
The definition of resolution - resolution NOUN:
1. a firm decision to do or not to do something.
2. the quality of being determined or resolute.
3. the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter.
4. the process of reducing or separating something into its components.
My point with the definitions is that I would like to suggest that closure has no place in the discussion of final arrangements – in the funeral arrangement. Is the passing of a family member or friend reduced to an act or process of shutting something? Reducing and separating as the result of a decision? Surely a person’s life should not be equated with the action of closing a door, or solving a problem.
Loss is personal, and complicated. Most often one’s personal thoughts are kept as such. While there can be expressed emotion, intense emotions kept tucked inside are no less. Death experienced has the emotional and physical potential to be intense, disorienting, overwhelming, unbearable, and limitless.
Visitation with a viewing of the deceased’s body will not bring closure.
A Funeral Service in a chapel or at graveside will not bring closure.
For anyone to suggest, or promise, that these processes will result in “closure” is cruel.
Death is confirmation that our days were numbered; death is a certainty.
For the individual - understanding this should give our life meaning.
For those left to mourn our absence – there will be a time when we must be accepting of death, real comprehension of our loss and the pain that brings. We must accept that an important person in our life isn’t among us anymore.
There is a song that speaks of voices, hearing voices. The voice of Mom telling him to put money in the collection plate on Sunday, the voice of Grandpa telling him to have a few but not to cross that line, and more. In our heart and heads those voices remain clear down through the years; reminders of expectations, love, familiarity. Confirmation that people who loved us had our back.
I think of the expression of “the ties that bind”.
Death does not have to sever those ties.
Death makes those ties even more important, stronger, because they may be the threads that keep us on an even keel mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, the threads that help us to make sense of what is to come in the days of our future.
All of us have people who bring a smile. My personal thread is my Dad...gone from us almost 3 years now but such a positive human being and he is remembered by us and many others as a man with a ready smile, always with a friendly wave as he passed on his walks, and even in his 90's wearing his great grandson's bike helmet he wanted the bike to go faster!
None of us wants to be forgotten or ignored. None of us want to be the source of angst and sadness, ever.
So, as you make your Christmas lists may I make a suggestion? Christmas is a perfect time to engage in those important conversations and activities that build relationships, form happy memories, and are filled with laughter, silliness, and hugs.
Make hot chocolate with loads of whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles with your granddaughter. Eat too many jelly bellies while watching movies together, bake cookies with your grandson, load up the car and drive around town to view all the twinkling lights.
Get outside and make snow angels and snowmen.
Push back the furniture and teach your grandchildren to waltz. Grab the remote and let someone show you how to decimate aliens with a button.
Kiss someone special under the mistletoe.
Take in a hockey game at the local arena.
At dinner, pour that first glass of wine for your ‘almost adult kids’ and toast to what is in your heart.
Let all of them see you, get to know you for you…just find your best self, and the rest will follow. Positive times and memories bring incredible happiness….and someday they will give incredible peace and strength.
Closure and resolution. Words to describe ending 2021 in a really good place, and committing to beginning next year as a more solid unit, a more enlightened individual, a more familiar family member, and a more content person.
Our thoughts and prayers are with those who have experienced the death of a loved one. That empty chair, that empty bedroom, these can be difficult to look at every day, but the holidays may stir emotions even more. Time doesn’t heal all, it just has the potential to change the intensity.
When the time is right, Wareing Cremation Services encourages you to approach preplanning of final arrangements as a well-planned eventual life event with your own messages, celebrations or service plans, and remembrances designed to strengthen and support the people in your life.
Perhaps it would be better to focus on what you will leave, written and spoken, that will make your life existence so positive that Good Bye isn’t even part of the vocabulary!
Believing that this end leads to another beginning is a reminder that truly believing in all that is Christmas allows me to continue to hear the sleigh bells.
When you are gone from sight but still here as one of those “voices”….your wisdom, your personality, your smile, your uniqueness will live on in those that knew you and loved you.
How will you find your way to give them healing, give them a belief in the sunrise of tomorrow, encourage them to say your name out loud, and give them your wishes and reasons to embrace their future?